If Only
by hook617
Summary: Killian is living happily with his wife and two sons. However, a dark shadow is lurking over his happily ever after. Daddy!Killian. One Shot. References to 3x18 & 3x19.


Killian awoke to a feeling of tugging. Even in the darkness of the early morning, he could see the small tuft of black hair and piercing blue-green eyes of his son as he tried to pull himself up on the bed. Killian looked over at the clock on the dresser- 6:30am. Normally, Killian would have been up an hour ago, but with last night's activities with his wife, he was still extremely exhausted.

"Ryan," Killian mumbled. "What are you doing up so early?"

"I get up myself, Daddy," Ryan said proudly as he pulled himself up with that final pull, landing square on his father's chest. Killian groaned as his son pounced on his chest, smacking the air out of his lungs before he gently rolled Ryan over to the center of the bed. The three year old tucked himself under the covers and snuggled in next to his Daddy, taking a place on his mother's pillows- her empty pillows.

"Ryan, where's Mommy," Killian asked, suddenly jolting out of his sleepy state.

"I need more blankets, Daddy," Ryan said as he snuggled into his father's side, ignoring his question completely. The door opened and light spilled into bedroom, causing Killian to squint.

"Oh, sorry Dad," Henry apologized as he realized his step-father was still in bed. "I thought you were awake."

"It's fine, lad," Killian said as he sat up in bed. "Where's your mother?"

"She got a call from the station. She left about an hour ago," Henry said before gesturing to his brother. "Do you need me to get him?"

"You're brother's fine with me, son," Killian said, getting out of bed and strapping on his brace before scooping his toddler up with him. "I'll get you both some breakfast."

"I already had some."

"Pop Tarts don't count. You need something more hearty to get you through the day," Killian said, ruffling his hair with his fake hand as he passed.

"I want a banana, Daddy," Ryan exclaimed as he wrapped his arms around his father's neck.

"And I'm gonna to pick one!"

"Is that so," Killian asked as they entered the kitchen. He sat his son down on the counter, letting him gesture to his fruit of choice before peeling it and setting his boy down on the floor with his banana. Ryan ran over to the nearby couch, climbing up and sitting down quietly while Killian prepared breakfast, although Killian was sure there was probably banana smeared on the couch. Henry eventually came downstairs, all dressed and ready for school, plopping his bag down before sitting at the table. Right on time, Killian put a plate of pancakes in front of him.

"Thanks," Henry said before diving in.

"I want pancakes," Ryan said when he noticed what his brother had, desperately reaching for the plate. "Can I have Henry's pancakes?"

"No, young pirate," Killian said, lifting his boy into a booster seat at the table, where a small plate was already waiting for him. "You eat your own." Ryan tried eating with a fork for a few bites before ramming pancakes in his mouth with both hands. Killian chuckled as he took a seat at the table with his sons, all of them eating heartily in silence before the door swung open.

"Sorry, forgot my phone," Emma said as she crossed through the room, pulling her cell phone from the charger on the kitchen counter and shoving it in her pocket. "I know how much you worry if I leave it at home."

"You're lucky I didn't notice before," Killian said with a wink. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, it was just Hansel and Gretal again. They're much happier with their father, but shoplifting is a hard habit to break. They wanted to surprise their Dad by making a special breakfast and thought they could only do that through stealing."

"What were they trying to steal," Henry asked. Emma smiled a bit before answering.

"Well, among other things, a cantaloupe," Emma said. "They had seen in a movie about stealing one and playing it off as if they were pregnant."

"Gretal was pretending to be pregnant," Henry asked, shocked.

"No, Hansel," Emma said with a smirk. The three of them laughed loudly, Ryan giggling along although he had no idea what anyone was laughing at, which made them laugh even louder. Finally, after the laughter died down, Emma began poking around the kitchen. "Things are settled at the station for a few minutes before I go back to work. Did you leave me any pancakes?"

"There's some extra batter in the cold wardrobe," Killian said.

"Refrigerator, Killian," Emma corrected with a wink as she pulled out the bowl.

"I can make them for you, Mom," Henry offered. "I have a few minutes before I go to school."

"Thanks, kid," Emma said as she headed for the steps, giving Henry a quick hug and Ryan a kiss on his forehead as she passed them both. "I ran out so fast I forgot my badge too. I'll be right back down." Killian watched as his wife sauntered up the steps. A smile spread across his face as she looked back at him from the top of the steps, her eyes full of love. He would never tire of seeing that look in her eye, and never fully feel as if he deserved it. Just as his heart was about to burst with love, she winked at him playfully before going into their bedroom.

"Henry, can you take care of your brother for a moment? I have a matter to discuss with your mother," Killian said before running up the steps. Henry sighed as he looked over at Ryan, who was covered in syrup, a fact that Killian apparently didn't notice or he would have cleaned him up first. Henry tossed the finished pancakes on a plate before looking for a washcloth to scrub down his brother.

Killian walked into the bedroom to find it dark and empty. He'd have sworn he left the lights on when he went downstairs. The door shut behind him and he found his wife leaning against the door, noticing the was turning the knob to lock it, a sly smile on her face.

"You, dear wife, left without giving me a kiss," Killian scolded in a sultry sounding voice. "Is that the thanks I get for last night?" He moved his lips gently over her neck as he pulled her close, skimming his fingertips under the hem of her shirt.

"I didn't think it was such a good idea, otherwise I would have never left," she said, turning her neck to give him better access. "Mmm, Killian." He just loved being able to draw such beautiful sounds from her. "Sorry, but duty called."

"And what about your duty to me, love," Killian said, straightening up so he could push back her hair with his false hand, yet still keeping himself as flush to her body as possible. He brushed her cheek with his good hand, cupping it to bring her lips closer to his. They were now just a breath away from his, the yearning to feel her lips pressed to his now controlling every fiber of him. All of a sudden, Emma halted him by pressing her fingers against his lips, pushing him away.

"Your duty to me is to be honest with me," Emma said, her whole demeanor suddenly changing. It went from being warm, welcoming and seductive to cold, unfeeling and distant. The look in her eyes became dark with anger, sending chills through his body.

"What?"

"When were you going to tell me you were cursed?" The room started going darker, all he could see was the pain in Emma's eyes.

"I…."

"You betrayed me," Emma said, pushing him away hard, knocking him across the room and

landing on the bed. "We could have had everything if you were just honest with me! You know how I feel about lying, Captain Hook!"

"Emma, love, what's…" His arms suddenly began to feel heavy, as if someone was holding him down. He looked at his wrists to see a dark shadow surround them, pulling him down to the floor towards the looming darkness that was filling the room.

"Daddy!" Killian could hear Ryan crying from downstairs. "Daddy, don't go! I need you!"

"Dad," Henry's voice called. "Don't leave us!"

"Ryan! Henry," he called, breaking free from the hold and trying to run to the door, only to be pushed back down by a stronger force.

When he looked back at Emma, it wasn't her anymore- it was Zelena. "You…" As he rose to charge at her, Zelena waved her hands and the room they were once in turned into some sort of dark void. The only figures he could make out was his own and Zelena's. Where was he?

"Calm down, pirate," Zelena cooed. "I gave you a gift."

"A what?"

"A glimpse of what could have been if you had just followed my instructions. Emma would be powerless, you two could've forgotten about my plans and lived a normal life being Daddy homemaker with your little brats. After all, that's what Emma always wanted too- a normal life. But now," she said with a sly smile. "You both will have nothing. Emma no longer trusts you, the life you could have had can never happen, and above all- you are all going to lose."

"No," Killian said, rising to his feet. "She'll defeat you."

"No she won't," Zelena said, laughing him off. "I've already won. And once the Charmings' little bundle arrives, my victory will be secured." She waved her hands again and Killian was overtaken by a shadow, gripping him by his wrists and ankles, pulling him further into the darkness. Zelena reached forward and caressed his face, Killian pulling away from her instantly. "Poor little pirate. You just can never win, can you." In a flash, she was gone, leaving Killian to be pulled further into darkness as voices started to boom around him.

_I can't take the chance I'm wrong about you._

_You are a pirate._

_DADDY!_

_...A one time thing…_

_It's real, and it's pretty good. I have Henry, a job, a guy I love!_

_DON'T LEAVE US!_

_I can never trust you again, how can I?_

_What I wanted, what I thought I could have, was not in the cards for the savior._

_KILLIAN..._

* * *

"Killian?" Killian started to open his eyes slightly, squinting as the light hit him. "Killian?" He could barely make out her blonde hair and the shape of her face, but he'd know that voice anywhere. "Hook, come on." He felt the sting of a slap in his face, causing him to groan as he came back fully into consciousness. "Wake up." He shook himself as he became aware of his surroundings. He was still in the boathouse, asleep in one of the canoes tied up and floating on the water. He sat up and quickly rolled onto the boathouse dock.

"And good morning to you too, Swan," he grumbled as he straightened up.

"Why are you still in here," Emma said.

"Is there somewhere I'm supposed to be," he said, scrubbing his face roughly with his good hand, still trying to shake himself back into reality.

"I thought you'd at least have been sleeping on the Jolly Roger," Emma said, not knowing she hit another sore spot until she could see it in his eyes. "Come to think of it, why isn't it docked here? You're always just standing on the docks, never on your boat."

"Ship," he corrected.

"Did it not come back over during the curse or…"

"Why are you here, Swan," he interrupted sharply. "When you left yesterday you said you couldn't trust me anymore. Yet, here you are, awaking me rudely from slumber. What do you want from a man you can't trust?" Emma just stood for a moment, her mouth open but no words coming out. She shook her head and he could see her walls coming up.

"Geez, what's got you in a mood," Emma said, ignoring his question. "Bad dream?" Killian lowered his head, remembering how he felt when his son crawled into his arms, how the sound of Henry calling him 'Dad' was like music to his ears, how Emma looked at him at the top of the stairs. His heart had never felt lighter or more content than to have a family to call his own, a family with his Swan.

"You once so kindly reminded me of waking you up from a really good dream," Killian said with a shrug of his shoulders. "Now we can call it even. What do you want, Swan?"

"I…" Emma started. "Um...Mary-Margaret is… it's time." Killian nodded in understanding- the newest little Charming was on it's way. "And...we need you."

"You need me? A pirate."

"Killian, just come on," she said, trying to tug at his arm as she walked past him, hoping he'd follow her, but he remained unmoved. "Let's go."

"Sorry, love. I just can't imagine why I'm needed. You and your parents made it quite clear that none of you trust me. Yet you lot all expect me to come running to aide in their protection?" Emma froze, not facing him. They didn't speak for a long time. Killian watched as she clenched and unclenched her fist, not knowing if she was going to swing around and punch him or if she was just trying to calm down. Or maybe a little bit of both. When Emma finally turned around, their eyes connected. The expression on her face was filled with emotion, so many emotions actually it was hard for even him to get a read on one of them.

"Killian, please," she finally said, her voice barely above a whisper. "I...I need you with me."

"Lass," he started to say.

"I know everyone says I'm the only one who can defeat Zelena, but still don't believe I can't do it on my own. But when I'm with you- I do." Killian stepped tentatively closer to her, once again resuming the close distance between them that was now becoming so familiar, yet it felt like a lifetime since they had been like this. Being close to her again made him feel like he could breathe again, like the nightmare never existed and only the dream remained. If he didn't know any better, he'd take her in his arms like he did in his dream, but knew if he did, she would probably hit him. Or...would she? Emma closed her eyes and, unconsciously, started to sway toward him. Their closeness was like coming home for her too, and she was getting lost in it. "So, are you coming?" Killian took in a long breath, letting it out slowly before answering her.

"I need to hear you say it, love," Killian said, now his voice as quiet as hers a moment ago. She looked at him questioningly, her walls starting to come back up. "You know what I need to hear, Swan. I can't come with you otherwise." Emma nodded, reaching forward a little to wrap her hand around his hook, holding it gently as if his hand was still there.

"I do trust you, Killian." Killian let out another long, slow breath, one he didn't even realize he was holding. A smile crept across his face, one that made holding her own smile back exceedingly hard for Emma.

"No need to beg, Swan. Lead the way," Killian said, resuming their old song and dance, much to Emma's relief. She rolled her eyes as she turned away, trying hard not to see her biting back the smile that had taken over her face. As he fell into step with her, he playfully bumped her hip with his own, knocking her off balance a bit. Emma couldn't resist letting a playful giggle slip out. "Gotta keep your guard up, Swan, if you're going to defeat a witch."

"Just get in the car, pirate," Emma said as they reached her car. Killian paused before getting in as something caught his eye. A small boy was standing on the pier with black, messy hair and piercing blue-green eyes, mischief in his smile. He waved at Killian playfully before running across the docks, fading into thin air. "Killian?" Emma's voice broke him out of his trance and he slipped into the car. "You still awake?" Killian nodded and buckled the seat belt, his eyes never leaving hers as he did.

"Yeah. I'm with you, lass."

**THE END**

_A/N- Sorry I kinda disappeared for a bit. Lots going on. I thought about adding this to "Tomorrow Never Knows", but I kinda like it better as a stand alone. Hope you enjoyed it! At some point, I'll get back to the other multi-chapter fics I have going, but probably won't work on _

_"Tomorrow Never Knows" until after the season is over- because the plot just got too intense for me to create my own spin!_


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